Ephemeral

If I ever saw a glimmer of sadness in her eyes,
I’d die a hundred times inside.

…It’s all too much and not enough at the same time.

I’m always soft for you, that’s the problem. You could come knocking on my door five years from now and I would open my arms wider and say ‘come here, it’s been too long, it felt like home with you.

Love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.

Some friends don’t understand this. They don’t understand how desperate I am to have someone say, I love you and I support you just the way you are because you’re wonderful just the way you are. They don’t understand that I can’t remember anyone ever saying that to me. I am so demanding and difficult for my friends because I want to crumble and fall apart before them so that they will love me even though I am no fun, lying in bed, crying all the time, not moving. Depression is all about if you loved me you would.

I search for beautiful things in broken places, and I know if I can find something admirable in the sidewalk cracks on busy city streets littered with trash with flowers growing through them, then I can find something worth admiring about myself too. Please be patient with me, the flowers in the cracks of the sidewalk are still growing, and so am I.

In this bed we lay, I couldn’t sleep. Holding onto you a little tighter, I wanted to make sure you knew that I was made for loving you.

Your name is like a mantra,
It’s always comforting me every time I say it.